I Remember
by Jayne Foyer
Summary: -"This was my choice. You warned me, and I refused to listen. I remember, Sirius. I remember."- A one-shot about the beginning, and ending, of Regulus's life as a Death Eater.


**I Remember**

Regulus lay on his bed, his arms up so his hands were resting behind his head, staring up at the dark green of his ceiling. His left forearm tingled slightly and he flexed it gingerly, trying not to flinch. The Mark burned, more than he had anticipated.

But in truth, it was his conscience that burned, more so than his skin. His parents were thrilled, his aunts and uncles proud, and his cousins – Bella, especially – had been right there beside him, supporting him, as the Dark Lord gouged his Mark into Regulus's arm. And despite the celebration his mother and father had thrown in honor of their son, their one and only and favorite son…

Sirius's face appeared in his mind's eye. Regulus shook his head and turned onto his right side, away from his door. His sleeve fell back and revealed the Dark Mark, the one mark, on his body and soul that would never fade.

He closed his eyes tight, trying to shut out the images that swam in and out of focus in his head. The child…the Muggle child had been just a boy, a tiny boy, no older than Regulus had been the first time he ever stepped into Hogwarts. He could still hear Lucius's voice, ringing in his ears.

"_Kill it. Now._"

And then a brutal, bloodthirsty cheer from the throats of the Death Eaters as their newest member committed his first murder.

Regulus had come home, made sure his parents were sound asleep, then thrown up into the toilet and cried there, on the bathroom floor, until he was exhausted enough to pull himself up and get to his room, where he fell onto his bed, his supply of tears all dried up, left to wonder what the hell he had done to get himself into this situation…

Well, what had he expected? 'Dromeda had told him what was going to happen; she had been warning him for years. Had he never listened to her? ...No, no, Regulus had listened every single time. He'd just never understood the truth.

His mother had tried to hide it from him, but Regulus knew that 'Dromeda had tried to visit him, during the celebration at Grimmauld Place. But since she had taken up with that Mudblood scum Ted Tonks, she was no longer welcome in Regulus's parent's house.

'Dromeda had introduced Regulus to Ted, and Regulus had liked Ted well enough. He was funny, and clever, but for some reason 'Dromeda had forgotten to mention that he was also a Mudblood. Regulus couldn't bring himself to admit he'd liked the man after that.

There was a loud _crack_ and a muttered, "_Dammit!_" outside Regulus's door, then a sound like a body falling to the ground.

Regulus drew his wand, sliding silently off the bed. There were a few more curses from outside his door, and, for a second, Regulus thought it sounded like – but no – there was _no way_…

He flung the door open, glancing around. There was no one there.

There was a noise from below him and he looked down. A young man, only a year or two older than Regulus himself, was on his knees, rubbing his elbows. He looked up.

"Hi, Regs," said Sirius rather awkwardly. He hopped to his feet. "Sorry – tripped on that carpet snag, I always do that-"

Regulus just stared at him incredulously.

"C'mon," said Sirius, pushing past his brother into the room. "I think Mum might've heard me. I still have to perfect that silent Apparition thing. You've got it down, haven't you?" Regulus closed the door behind them. "Well, I suppose you have to," suddenly, Sirius's voice became icy and virulent, "…being a Death Eater and all."

Something snapped in Regulus and fury boiled up in the pit of his stomach. He raised his wand to point at his brother's neck and hissed, "What are you doing here?"

Any trace of affection disappeared from Sirius's face, and it became stony and filled with detestation. "What are you going to do?" he taunted quietly. "Hex me? I'd like to see you try."

Regulus held his wand up for a moment longer, then lowered it to his side."What do you want?" he asked lamely, turning away from his brother.

Sirius swallowed hard, then said, "Ted stopped by today. Ted Tonks. He said that 'Dromeda would have come but she was too busy trying to see _you_."

"Mum didn't let her in. I didn't have a say in the matter."

Sirius put a hand on Regulus's shoulder and turned him around firmly. "That doesn't concern me. What _does _concern me is that apparently my brother, my very own _brother_ has decided to kill any tiny shred of decency he had left in him, and become an effing _murderer_-"

"It's not murder, it's justice!" said Regulus in a low voice. "Sirius, you know as well as I do that wizards _exist _to rule the lesser kind of this world, and that means, that means, don't you look at me like that, you _know _this is the truth, and you are a _pureblood_, and that means you have a responsibility-"

"How can you say that?" asked Sirius, fuming. "_I_ know that you don't believe that! You never have! Regs, look at – look at Lily! How could _she _be one of the 'lesser kind of this world'? How could you say that about her?"

Regulus was furious at his brother, but he had nothing to say to this. He wanted to curse Sirius, use the curses he'd only just been taught by – by the _Dark Lord himself_ – he could feel anger and hate pulsing through every vein in his body, and however much he tried to keep his rage cool and collected, his blood was pounding in his ears and his temper was rising dangerously…

And _that _was exactly why he hated his brother so much. Regulus had known all along he was not a coldblooded killer like the others, and it had taken harsh words from Sirius for these thoughts to finally be put out in the open.

But it didn't matter whether or not Regulus knew _why _he was angry at Sirius, because it didn't change the fact that the voice that belonged to the Death Eater in Regulus's head, no matter how deeply it was buried, was still crying for blood.

Regulus raised his wand again, slowly taking a step forward. Sirius took a step backward, towards the wall. "All my life," he said lowly, "I've put up with your selfish antics. You tore this family apart, Sirius, and you will not, will not, _will not_ make me screw this up." Sirius hit the wall. Regulus was inches away from his face, a vein throbbing in his temple. "I was born for this," he hissed. "You were born to be the failure. I was born… for this."

Regulus pulled up his sleeve to reveal the Dark Mark. Sirius's eyes rested on his brother's forearm for just a second, then he shook his head and turned away.

"Stop it, Regs," said Sirius. "You're stupid, but you're not going to kill me for telling you the truth."

Every nerve in Regulus's body told him to jinx the hell out of his brother, but he closed his eyes and took a step back. This had always been his problem. This was the reason Bella had been so enthusiastic about him becoming a Death Eater. He let his temper get away with him.

"I understand," said Sirius very quietly. "I can't change your mind."

"No, you can't," replied Regulus sharply. "So get out, before Mum sees you and her heart breaks again-"

"Our mother doesn't _have _a heart-"

"Don't you talk that way about her!" said Regulus loudly. There was a moment of silence, as both boys strained to hear any hint that their parents had heard. Regulus continued, his voice lowered. "Just because _you're_ a disrespectful prat-"

"Fine! Fine, then, Regs, but remember this was _your _choice. I tried to convince you. Remember that when you try to back out. Remember what I said, when they kill you."

Regulus whirled around, this time with his hand balled into a fist, but there was a _crack_, and Sirius was already gone, and Regulus was alone.

The younger brother fell to his knees. His wand slipped out of his hand, and he leaned his head onto the side of his bed. The tears started to fall again. He closed his eyes, and he cried.

-------------------

Sirius's face was all he could see. Sirius's words were echoing around the silent cave, as Regulus cried for his brother and his broken family, and Kreacher poured the green liquid down his master's throat.

"I understand, I understand, I'm sorry, it's my fault – you're firstborn, I'm sorry-"

Regulus choked as Kreacher, afraid for his master, fetched the locket from the bottom of the basin. "Master," croaked the house-elf. "The locket, Master."

Regulus, his eyes darting around the cave, as if he could not see, reached out a shaking hand and pressed the locket into Kreacher's tiny hand. "Go home," he whispered. "Destroy it." Weakly, he pulled something out of the pocket of his robes and handed it to the elf. "Replace it…with this…"

Kreacher did as he was told.

Regulus's eyes closed. His brother shook his head disappointedly.

"Go home," he repeated to his elf.

With a piercing dread in the pit of his stomach, Regulus crawled toward the dark water.

"Master," Kreacher croaked, and he sounded panicked. "Kreacher can take Master Regulus home, Mistress Black will be wondering where Master Regulus is…"

Regulus shook his head, slowly inching toward the water.

"Leave now, Kreacher," muttered Regulus. "You should not see this."

Just as the man reached out a hand to the water, there was a loud _crack_, and, painfully, as cold hands tugged at his body and pulled him underneath the water, he thought, _This was my choice. You warned me, and I refused to listen. I remember, Sirius. I remember._

The chilly cave was silent once more.

* * *

I know, I'm sorry, I should be working on "Dead" or an Avatar story or two... but I saw Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince at midnight last night and I thought it was pretty good. I've been thinking about writing something with Sirius and Regulus in it for a while, so, while I was full of Harry Potter love, I decided to make this. I think it's pretty good.

Constructive criticism, please! I was pretty tired when I wrote this, so I bet there's plenty of mistakes. Don't hesitate to point them out, please.

As usual, review and tell me whether or not I should just throw my computer out now and go live on the streets as a hobo. Thank you so much for reading!


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